HE says: I apologize that all of this is so painful

while I think we both long for and enjoy our time together we both realize we serve a vital purpose in each other's life but it also creates much pain because it is not how or what either of us what it to really be

I apologize for the pain and suffering

Neither of us seem to be strong enough or willing to endure the pain of a final goodbye

I do love you

You and I have helped each other thru some tough times and have been able to stay the course in spite of great odds

sayin goodbye wasn't so good this time.
i'll figure what it was about
i'm stitching up this soul again so nothin can fall out

and when the returning turns into me again
and you stand inside my door
i'll pull the mending untill it breaks
and watch what hits the floor

then we can see
what words were ceased
and which heartstring held them back
until then the mending will silence well
all those shifting, ranting, half-living things
wanting to breathe, storm, and shout.

~misty leigh

The Persian Poet, Rumi of the 13th century in Turkey was first a scholar until he lost his best friend... and it threw him into ecstatic poetry. So, beautiful things can come from Grief - that very thing we fear the most.

Much love and light and laughter, and LANGUAGE of the spirit!! A daily choice. For me - the meaning of that song - it just bounces in and through me - reminding me of important things...

The song - Crucify. To me, it is about actually realizing the suffering we do - and then taking it off... changing it. Acknowledging it... and then saying NO.

NC
United States Monday, December 24, 2007 - 17:24MistyLeighToo:
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.

NC
United States Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 22:19MistyLeighToo:
I was at a place for need of empowerment. Already comfortable with my sexuality - but her music seemed to offer it a place to channel... tune into, I mean.

I was always present in my mind - rarely daydreamed... watching the happenings, the people, my breath... and the music broke into my hardshell and gave me a resting place - a world. When I'd walk to the bus stop in DC the trees would sing with her music and everything was better - safe.

The warriors in a patriarchal world are told of a river that flows between love and madness. The river flows so mightily and with a fierce rolling deep and steady going, keeping in the center of the universe.
In groups of five representing 5 generations these warriors journey with great dreams concerning the river. The journey rolls along with great bonding and preaching.
Some sets of five find the great river every year.

She is the Jester dancing her own royal court.

I am the Pauper, watching on - knowing I have my own shoes, my own hats, and my own dancing Jester stirring inside...

All that beauty (material and immaterial) silences me but my messages are growing... and soon it will be my very own messages that move me too... and in my own royal court will I dance! - in this life time.

NC
United States Sunday, December 16, 2007 - 21:37MistyLeighToo:
and i lift up a refreshing poor man's drink, a gin (from the blue bottle) and tonic with a bright green slice of lime, ... the ice makes a celebratory tinkling sound, and the happy, clear liabation reminds me of some promised clarity ahead...

i am missing 'some thing' inside already - and so i got on this evening to post a goodbye...

Moon Misery
2007 MistyLeighToo

Half a Moon
Half a Me
Pushes the ocean
Pulls the Sea

Let me find or just let me be
That Half a Moon
This Half a Me.

Lost People turning
I hear their sound
I cannot tell
If I have been found

But carrying on is my strongest curse
My dealings the clutch
My body this purse
And for such and such

I struggle for.
A shilling I owe
An illusionary port.
Nay, floating away; a cumbersome vessel is in tow.

I strongly consider drifting for a while.
A depression holds me still

Phoenix Girl (Tori)
2007 MistyLeighToo

Dividing storms with her wings
Melting marshmallow clouds
For Graham Cracker crowds
Needing bitter-sweet things.

Laying wings on dark ashes
Melting mirrors for the lowly
The crowds chant, “Smoore!”

Yes, they ache to taste the treats
Rolling up her sleeves
Their palettes enthralled
And then curtain calls

But before the finale, Phoenix Girl burns
And from ashen mirrors they watch her rise
Something tastes define.
They know they've learned.

And the mellowing crowds stack back into packaging