I think I am distracting myself from stuff I know have to get done soon, and I've barely started and will probably have to be up all night. Good thing I love coffee so much. But I keep remember what Tori sings in the background in "Caught a Lite Sneeze" because I just learned about it last week I saw a posting of the youtube video where she talks about it, and singing "Inanna" in that church, and it struck me because that background singing always hypnotized me, along with the percussion, and I always felt compelled to play the song over and over again some nights...

people have birthdays everyday, they are not all happy, and as long as tears fill the sky on birthdays everyday, my birthday will not be happy either, and this is what I have arrived at now, a few days before turning 30.

There is a wave out there that follows the wind, a wave that is part of a body of water, deep enough to churn and listen to the contents of the broken heads and broken hearts of all creatures on our little blue place in the middle of Where...

In a few weeks, I will have lived in Florida for a year. I suppose I am getting used to it, though I still find myself missing many things about the Pacific coast. Lately, I've been missing the fog, the cool drifting presence, so familiar to me, to the hills, to the ocean.

And I definitely miss the hills still.

...in my peach soy yogurt.

I still swim in the tears of stars...
I woke up today, as I sometimes do, a bit surprised that I'm still alive. Sometimes it seems odd that I should go to sleep and not decide to stay wherever it is that I go when I sleep, or get delayed there or miss my train back to wake up.

A few weeks ago, I read Raymond Carver's story "The Bath", and part of the re-written version he later called, "A Small Good Thing." Though the song "Baker, Baker" had always resonated deeply within me, after reading this story--both versions--I couldn't help feeling like maybe this story helped inspire the song in some way. I could be wrong. I suppose that on a subconscious level, I am often reading into works in ways that lead me back to Tori's songs...